168 Hours
by algie888
Summary: "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up." Written for Darcy/Loki week. Rated for Darcy's potty mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For Darcy/Loki week! Yay! Part one was _Tasers. _ENJOY!**

* * *

Darcy ran her fingers down the taser, relishing the feel of the cool plastic against her fingertips. Nick Fury was rambling about some sort by having a stick the size of the empire state building shoved up his ass. She wondered whether she could get away with electrifying him with her taser - heck, no one would miss him!

"Do you understand, Miss Lewis?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. She blinked, and looked around in confusion. Where the heck did everyone go?

"Uh..." she breathed, still trying to find Jane. "Yeah."

Fury looked at her with barely concealed irritation. "You're going to Asgard for Jane's wedding," he said slowly, as though attempting to speak to a toddler. "That's why she's not here!" he snapped, jerking Darcy out of her attempts of searching for Jane.

"Well, that certainly explains why everything is so quiet," Darcy muttered, and then straightened as though she had accidentally shot herself with the taser, which had happened on quite a few occasions. "Wait. Wedding?"

"On Asgard," Fury repeated, sighing. "You are going tomorrow night. Didn't you know this?"

"Yes," Darcy blurted, and Fury fixed her with an unamused stare. "No," she admitted. "You sure I was on the guest list?"

"Miss Lewis, everyone down to the janitor was on the guest list," he said, with a slight amount of resentment in his tone. Why would he be upset that the janitors got an invitation? A wicked grin crossed her face.

"You weren't invited," she said, staring at him, barely holding in her laughter. "Oh, my god! This is hilarious."

"It isn't, Miss Lewis," he said firmly. Darcy rolled her eyes, and stood. "Where do you think you are going?"

"To get a dress," she called, and tacked a silent 'duh' on for her own sake. Fury sighed, and leant back in his chair.

"And I was invited," called Fury behind her. Darcy smirked, strolling confidently down the hallway. As if.

"Shit!" Darcy cried, staring at who would be coming with her to Asgard. "Holy mother of... Shit!"

Black Widow raised her eyebrows, and turned to look back up at the sky. "Hello to you too," she greeted quietly, amusement playing in her voice.

"You're the Avengers!" Darcy exclaimed, staring at them. Tony Stark, Captain America, The Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Agent Coulson. All together. All thatwas missing was the impending alien apocalypse. Darcy wondered how difficult that would be to photoshop in.

"Really?" asked Tony, looking down at his hands. "Well, what do you know. We are! Who would have guessed?"

Darcy decided that Tony was funny - in a completely self centred and 'I'm an asshole' way. But, hey, beggars can't be choosers!

"So, uh, you guys do this often?" she asked awkwardly, unable to abide the silence that fell over them. Darcy preferred to hear words than background noise, which was why her car battery often failed due to continuous use of the radio.

"Yeah, giant ceremony up in space," Tony said, nodding. "Every other week I do this stuff. You should have been there at Han and Leia's."

"Talk about destination wedding," Darcy agreed. "Anyone have any idea how we're meant to get up there?" she asked, glancing up at the sky. "Do we just yell, 'Beam me up, Scotty!'" Nothing happened. "Hey, Ass-Guard! Lemme up!" she exclaimed. Still nothing. She heard Tony Stark stifle a chuckle. "Oi! Ugly! Let us up!"

Coulson winced, and tapped Darcy's shoulder. "Miss Lewis?"

"Yeah?" she asked, turning to face him. "And try not to touch the dress. It was pricy."

Coulson moved away quickly, but did not fail to whisper to her, "Miss Lewis, due to your rather... cynical way with words, Director Fury wishes for me to pass on a message to you: please do not start a war while we are there," he straightened, and yelled out, "the same goes for you, Mr Stark!"

Hawkeye looked visibly panicked. "It's coming!" he yelled, staring at the sky. Darcy glanced up, and gasped. The sky was glowing, literally glowing. She licked her lips, and screwed up her eyes.

"Lady Darcy, this is my father, Odin," Thor introduced. "My mother, Frigga," the woman smiled at her kindly, and Darcy could barely repress her own. "And my brother, Loki."

Darcy stared at the person lounging in the chair, with dark black hair and gorgeous green eyes. "I think you mean sister," Darcy said, glancing at Thor apprehensively.

"Hmm?" Thor tore his attention away from his bride to look at the dark haired figure. A beautiful woman, with full lips and a man of black hair returned his gaze with innocent eye. "Loki, turn back. This is no time for trickery."

"What is no time for trickery?"

Darcy screamed, jerking around to face the stranger that had crept up behind her, taser at the ready. "Do that again," she hissed, "and I'll tase you."  
The man quirked an eyebrow at the plastic. "I am quivering in my boots. No mortal can harm me," he said, smirking.

The woman in the chair had vanished, and those green eyes were pretty familiar. Darcy thought back to the news... Of course, the raging space psycho that tried to make the planet his bitch! She forced an innocent smile on her face. "What about the Hulk? He seemed to harm you."

Loki froze, and fixed her with an icy glare. "No mortal instrument," he amended. "And the monster is barely human."

"You keep splitting hairs there, mister," Darcy muttered. "Let's see where it gets you."

"Who are you to speak to me so?" Loki asked, running an eye up and down her form. Not so much checking her out, more like sizing her up. He underestimated the power of the taser, she decided. She could so beat him in a fight. "I did not see you amongst the Avengers who attempted to stop me."

Darcy shrugged. "I am Darcy," she said proudly. At his unimpressed look, she added quietly, "Darcy the Amazing, knock-er out-er of Thor."

Loki blinked, and looked at her with a bit more interest in those emerald eyes of his. "You did what?" he asked, staring at her.

"You heard me. Knocked Thor out cold. On the ground," she added.

"What?" Loki asked, staring at her in confusion.

Darcy sighed. "Out cold. Unconscious. K-O'd. Down for the count. Dead to the world," she continued.

"You... rendered my brother unconscious?" he asked, staring at her. "How?"

Darcy began to grow nervous. Maybe, despite the fact he'd tried to take over the planet, he still really liked his brother. Maybe she'd be found guilty of treason, or something. Maybe Odin would cast her out of Asgard. Darcy just hoped that there would be a hot astrophysicist there when she landed - male, please. "I used my taser."

"This tiny mortal toy?" Loki asked, pointing at it. Darcy hugged it to her chest protectively. "It could barely harm me," he said. "In what way could a woman like you be able to wield such power?"

_'A woman like her'?_ Asshole.

Darcy's mind churned with possible answers, and she lit up when she reached one. "Want a demonstration?" she asked, and Loki shrugged.

"I doubt it could harm me in any way," he responded coolly, and leant forwards to whisper, "I am a god."

Right. No regrets. Darcy's hand shot out, and Loki convulsed, falling onto the floor in an unconscious heap.

Darcy could feel the stares of hundred on her, including the King and Queen. Darcy groaned.

So much for not starting a war, huh?

Damn.  
**  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Day Two: If Darcy were a hero. ENJOY!**

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The man smiled up at her, a smirk evident on his face. "What're you gonna do, sweetheart?" he drawled, running a lazy eye up and down her body. "Tell you what, give us a kiss, and I'll forget what you did to me eye, okay?" he asked, smirking. His eye was a mottled shade of green, red and blue, a trophy of Darcy's wonderful Roundhouse Kick (Chuck Norris was her God).

She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "Look. I've had a really bad day, and I'm seriously not in the mood for this sort of thing. So, just get out of my way, before I freaking rip you apart," she said calmly, and forced a smile onto her face. "Okay?"

He stared at her, and laughed. "Rip me apart?" he asked incredulously. "Oh, _honey_," he drawled, and Darcy groaned, "you don't want to ruin your nails."

"Right, okay," she said vehemently. "I tried being nice, so this isn't my fault. You provoked me. That's my statement."

"Statement?" the man asked, quirking his head to the side, and Darcy grimaced at the sight of numerous false teeth. "What statement?"

"Oh, just one I have to use it court," she said chirpily, and stuck her hand out. But the next few words stopped her.

"Why would you need to go to court?" asked the assistant to the crime, a young man that had not spoken up until now. Darcy smiled at him sweetly.

"For this," she answered, checked watch, opened her mouth as wide as humanly possible, and let out an unearthly scream.

The lense of her glasses shattered, the boy fell to the ground, clutching at his ears, and the man that had attempted to make a move on her dropped to his knees in pain. She ripped through the octaves like some sort of human dog whistle, watching them writhe as the high pitch assaulted his ears.

"Capiche?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. They both moaned in response. Darcy grinned. "Very good."

She left them there after calling the police, walking away with a swing in her step. Nothing like a good ole criminal to brighten up what was potentially going to be a rather terrible day. Well, it had been a pretty crap day, actually, not just potentially.

First, she had nearly been killed by an alien invasion. Then Thor had accidentally rested his hammer on her hand, killing all circulation in it. Then Tony managed to get JARVIS to short circuit her iPod, and Captain America accidentally slammed a door into her hand (the Thor-ified hand, too). So, she felt like lying down on her sofa, cuddling up with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and a bit of Michael Buble playing soothingly.

She had just settled into the subway with a nice sandwich in hand, getting comfy in the plastic coated seat, when the carriage blew up.

Oh, great.

The attacker rose dramatically from the hole he had blown into the side of the train, dim light from the flickering lamps illuminating his figure. Darcy stared at him, and bit her lip. Crap.

She checked her watch, praying for a miracle. No such luck. Her scream still needed another fifteen minutes until it reached full potential, and she wasn't risking it. Stupid mutation and their stupid charging times.

"I am Loki," he said, stepping dramatically inside, his helmet glinting. "And I am a God. Bow before me, mortals, and I will spare you."

A few people launched from their seats, settling on the floor in a kneeling position. Loki smiled, and drew himself up to his full height. "Glorious," he breathed.

Darcy fumbled with her phone, attempting to get to the speed dial for Tony. Or Thor. Or Bruce. Or anyone that wasn't her mother.

"You, mortal," Loki said, directly in front of her. Darcy craned her neck - damn, he was tall. And those eyes. Jeez. "What are you doing?"

Think quick, Darce. Come on!

"I was trying to turn on my phone," she explained, waving it. "I wanted to alert my husband of the fact his favourite Norse god is on the subway!" Darcy exclaimed, and her mind gave her a pat on the back. "He's from Norway, and is a huge fan of Prose Edda."

Loki's eyebrows quirked upwards. "I am his favourite god?" he asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Yup," Darcy said, popping on the 'p'. "Well, you and Freya. He's a sucker for hot girls," she laughed, and pointed at herself. "I'm living proof of that."

Loki blinked. "Alert him."

"What?" Darcy asked, frowning.

"Alert him to my presence. I wish for him to know that his idol is here," Loki said, smiling. Darcy smothered her smile as she dialed Tony's number, seriously doubting that this really was the God of Lying if he couldn't see through Darcy's transparent falsities.

"Hey, babe?" Darcy asked, breathing out a sigh of relief when Tony picked up. "You might want to come, I've got a surprise for you!"

"Darcy?" Tony asked, amusement in his tone. "Did you get the wrong number? Either that, or you're totally wasted. Not that I'm complaining."

Darcy forced a smile onto her face. "Look, you're never going to believe this, but Loki's on the subway! The actual, Norse God, I've got a helmet and only wear green dude!"

"Darcy. Is this a joke?" Tony asked, his voice going quiet.

"Nope," she said. "He's right here, babe. You might want to wear a suit too, hon, he looks like business. Bring a few friends - I remember Steve loves Loki too. I'm on the four o'clock train to Grand Central."

"On my way. Hold on in there," Tony said, and added in a joking tone, "babe."

Darcy flipped her phone shut, and turned to face Loki. "He's on his way. I can't believe y-" she frowned, and glanced around. "Where'd you go?"

"Thought you could fool the God of Lying?" he hissed in her ear, and Darcy stiffened. Loki was behind her, her wrists pinned in his hands, his mouth almost touching the shell of her ear.

"F-Fool you?" Darcy asked, forcing an incredulous look onto her face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," he snarled, grabbing her left hand, "what sort of married woman has no wedding ring on?" Loki asked, and Darcy blanched.

"Uh..." she whispered, biting her lips. "The me kind?" she said lamely, and she heard Loki chuckle. It wasn't a pleasant sound.

"And, last I checked, Tony Stark was unmarried," he added. "I could hear his voice through the telephone," Loki snarled. "Next time, make a better excuse."

"Then..." Darcy said, attempting to regulate her breathing. The other subway passengers stared at them, fear for her written all over their faces. "Then why did you let me call him?"

"So I could have an audience for my grand finale," he hissed, and Darcy's stomach dropped.

"Grand finale? What would that include?" she forced herself to keep her voice light, despite the pressure of the situation. "Are you going to do a little song and dance number? I recommend 'All I Ever Wanted' from The Prince of Egypt. You'd like it."

"Your death," Loki said. "That will be my grand finale. My piece de resistance."

Darcy glanced at her watch. Five more minutes, damn it. Hurry up, Tony. Please, Tony.

"Hey! Rudolph!" yelled Tony, and Darcy nearly collapsed in relief. "Over here." d

Four minutes, come on!

"Ah, the man of iron. How are you on this fine day?" Loki asked casually, a smirk playing on his face. "I was just enjoying the company of your young wife here. How long has it been since your first day? And why was I not invited to the wedding?"

"Hands off her, Loki," Tony said, not breaking eye contact. "She hasn't done anything to you."

"Besides the point. She obviously means quite a lot to you, Stark. And imagine what havoc I would create by killing her." Loki said, and one of his hands rose to her neck, squeezing.

"Didn't you learn your lesson with Coulson?" Darcy hissed with her remaining air. "Anything you destroy, they just come back to avenge it. I'll be the gunpowder, Loki."

Two minutes...

"Unless I kill you in such a way that it would totally destroy them, a way that they were powerless to prevent. They would be crushed," Loki said, his voice like crushed velvet in her ear. Wait. In her ear...

Darcy glanced down at her watch, and smiled. "That's actually pretty smart," she admitted, twisting slightly in Loki's grasped. "You're smart," she said accusingly.

Loki smirked, "I do try," he said, letting out a single chuckle of amusement.

"Darcy," Tony warned, stepping forwards. Loki spun her in his grip, pressing her to him so that her head came just under his chin.

"Take another step, and she dies," he threatened. "As will everyone else in this subway."

Tony stepped back into his original position. Darcy smiled against Loki's chest. "You know, you're pretty cute when you're all angsty."

Silence filled the train. She could practically feel Loki's stare drill through her skull as he looked down at her.

Darcy imagined what Tony's expression was behind the mask.

Darcy reached up, and brushed her lips against Loki's ear. "Want to know a secret?" she murmured, making sure her lips moved against the shell of his ear.

Loki was unresponsive except for his grip on her waist tightening. Darcy took that as an answer.

"Well," she whispered in her best sultry voice, and twisted her face so that she was parallel to his ear. She screamed.

Loki was being led away by the paramedics for busted eardrums, and Darcy seemed pretty happy with herself.

"Well then," Tony said, slinging an arm around her. "Should I fear bigamy?" he asked. "_Babe_?"


End file.
